twenttttaaaay.

wooooo i am totally no longer a teenager. ha i now feel worthy to date sam mckay. ha jk but so far twenty has been good to me. i haven't exercised as much as i should but...baby steps.
my birthday was ammmmaaaazing. i felt so loved and blessed. started out great just with my parents and sisters and yummy crepes for breakfast. then headed over to my grandma's for some old time film. sam..my love, came and we all watched the quiet man with john wayne. super good. favorite quote from the movie was "wooooman of the house" ha watch it. next we had pizza and all just chatted with my grandma. she is the biggest sweetheart and pretty sassy too. sam and i then left to go on a ride. we stopped by his house to pick up our gear and his mom spoiled me. i love jenn mckay. let it be known. she is such a sweetheart. we left on our ride, and i loved it. i loved just being with sam. it was laid back but only kinda. we ran the horses all over huntsville, and sam said i was super good at it. so point me. we had a picnic and just talked and talked. i loooooved it all. we saw cows, and ran the horses some more. that is why my bum is sore. along with taking me on this magical ride, sam wrote me the sweetest note. i can't even express how much i love that man. he is truly one of a kind and i am so glad i get to call him mine. it was the perfect birthday. and the perfect way to celebrate two decades.
sam asked me what i wanted to accomplish in the next two decades of my life. and it really made me think. i know for sure i want to be a mom and have a family with sam. i want us to have a home. and be happy. i don't know what i am going to graduate with in school or what career skills i will develop but i know i will be with sam and as long as we keep the lord in the center of our plans, we are going to find a way to be eternally happy in everything we do. and i can't wait for that. not ready to be forty but excited to be forever with sam.

love being engaged but wanna be married.

when you engaged... cause basically i am pro at it now... (ehhh) all you ever want to do is spend time with the one you love. because that makes you so happy. every time you're together...it's almost always said "can we please just be married?" you get sick and tired of saying goodbye, and basically just living until the next time you can see them again.
also when you are engaged. i feel like you go through this constant rollercoaster of not being good enough, or fearing that you will disappoint the other. while you may know the weaknesses of the one you love, you only see the best. you want to live up to everything you think you should be for that person. it's hard. because you have no idea what it is like to be married, your just guessing and trying to make sure you are perfect. i wish i knew what stuff wouldn't matter in the end, so i wouldn't stress over it now. that's another reason i just wanna be married.
sam makes me feel incredible. he makes me want to be better than i ever could on my own. i love him with my whole heart, and while i love being engaged to him, cause we get to dream about a life together. i wanna be married.  i wanna live my dreams.